he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
