So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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