Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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