the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I intend to get homeless drunk
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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