I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
