I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
