i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
