Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
