the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
