Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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