I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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