Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
