You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
