cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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