thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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