i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
