I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
