I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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