The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
