reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
