You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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