A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
