1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
