That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
