Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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