Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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