So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
