I'm pants shitting drunk right now
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
