what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
