): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
