I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
