oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
