some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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