If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She even gives head with a lisp.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
