well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Randomize
