you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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