Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
