I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
