I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
