And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
