You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I want to fling myself into the sun
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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