She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
