I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i think i have herpe
just one?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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