i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
My cat gives me a boner
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
