census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
