I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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