Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
