Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
