she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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