imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
